i really dont want to make a bigger deal out of it
than it is.
because, its not a HUGE deal.
i mean, sure, its upsetting.
i know friends of mine are more upset than i am.

and i REALLY dont want to be the repeat.
i dont want them to have the feeling of dejavu.
because its me.
not her.

and at the same time.
sure, theres the nagging worry,
but then its reassured.
and i have faith. i trust them.
i do.

i trust him less than her, but thats because i know how his mind works. i know what he thinks, and how he acts, even when im not around.


and ive been told
that there is a certain amount of unfaithfulness.
or rather, distraction. and like, the inability to KEEP a relationship.

i dont believe it.

i think it was drilled into her
by someone who wanted her for their own
and to be kept down with her
for as long as possible.
if you tell someone they fail, they like, subconsciously live up to your expectations of them.
by praising them, and telling them they do good, they want to do better. but telling them they wont ever succeed, and that they suck, they will, almost inevitiblity.
unless they have the mentality that theyre GOING to prove you wrong.
which i seriously hope for.
i think its there.


im not flipping out.
and we spoke. but i think...
we're not on the same page. i want to make things clearer.

but other than that.
star testing is OVER!!